Lent 30 - Falling in to grace

"Your problem is how you are going to spend this one and precious life you have been issued. Whether you're going to spend it trying to look good and creating the illusion that you have power over circumstances, or whether you are going to taste it, enjoy it and find out the truth about who you are."

— Anne Lamott

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ah sleep

so hard to find

when pain is a constant companion

sleep comes

but it is shallow and unassuming

and one never sinks

into that region where one finds true

rest and

dreams come

last night I dreamt

the first dream I can remember for oh so long

and there I was

a good guy

working with and standing up for people

whom some would hate

and others ridicule

an in my dream

in a moment

I made a mistake

perhaps for laughs

perhaps for deeper reasons

I did something that hurt the people I loved

and there was no return

the old sense of comradely trust

trust was gone

lost

it was just a dream

but it reminded me that

in all of us

deep in our souls

there are those places unexamined and unknown

and

those places hidden, purposefully shoved

that all too often

suddenly find their way to surface

and there we are

there we are

we have said something

done something

and those around us look at us differently

sometimes puzzled

sometimes angry

sometimes, perhaps in disgust

there we are naked

our deepest soul revealed

and what matters at that moment

at any moment

is how we respond

we cannot control those around us

they will think what they think and do what they do

we can only control ourselves

and in that moment

the one thing we can do

naked before the sacred

is let go of what has happened

let go of this self that has been so suddenly revealed

let go of our old pretenses

let go of our failure

and fall

fall back into our true self

the self created to be

fall into grace

and rise again