I wished I liked my ugly face

sometimes

people put a mirror up in front of you

it’s a funny mirror

that shows part of you with clarity

and other parts?

perhaps not so accurate after all

ah, but how to sort it out?

I have plenty of faults

God help me

but to be seen as

inattentive

or worse intrusive

jumping in

being essentially an ass

ouch

especially when you know at least to some degree it is true

perhaps has always been true

as a person who gets so busy in his own head

that there is that disconnect between what is going on in

my rapid fire brain, and what is going on in the rest of the room

when the person who holds the mirror

is someone you respect

and hoped respected you……

well

it’s a tough way to wander into a day

where there is a new sensitivity

hopefully

to others

a new way of wanting to be 

a lesson learned from illness

so

 now

the question rises slowly to the mind

can I change, really

and if I can

will I be allowed to change

or will I always be interpreted the way

well earned over the years

as one wrapped up in his own spinning brain

time to talk a little walk

left foot

right foot

left foot

 breathe

and know all one can do is

do one’s best to learn the lessons that comes one’s way

and live them out

and hope

it makes a difference

the choice emerges for me between

a tolerated, and mostly effective person

who wanders through life as a hit and run driver

 mostly alone

or between being a person who lives

mindfully

listens mindfully

accepts, mindfully

and no matter how others perceptions change

or fail to change

takes one faltering

but mindful step

at a time

and seeks to find

communion