“Man makes plans . . . and God laughs.”
Michael Chabon
_______________________________________________
Life is fun that way
Every time I think I have everything set up
Just so
Every time it feels as if this stable genius
Has managed to put things together
Just so
And success is just around the corner
And a little peace too
And sense that finally
Finally
Finally
Things will turn out
Just the way I planned
Something happens
16 years ago I took over a program
After months of worrying
There it was, the perfect job
And two months in, I discovered he program was hundreds
Of thousands
Of dollars in the hole
For the year
An then a 20% cut in state funding landed
And every year after that
Every year
Not matter how we planned
Something happened
It has been that way most of my life
I was going to be a doctor
Chemistry happened
I was a rising star in the church
My own stupidity happened
I was going to turn my little church around
Time constraints
People moving, and people dying happened
I have come to realize
Thank the second I think I can coast, at least for a
moment
Something happens
Is it my own idealism?
My own naiveté?
My own intensity?
The fact that I am opinionated? (just a little J )
Do I over estimate my ability?
Am I just such a lone wolf, that I simply can’t draw
people around me
in a meaningful way?
Or is it merely that I try too hard
And get too thin
And too tired
And perhaps the real need is to slow down
Ease up
Maybe I need to rely on others more
(although when I do, those people seem to disappear, one
way or another)
I do know it is all a mystery
It is not that I don’t accomplish anything
I do
I have
I can look back, and over all
Feel pretty good about my life
But right now
I would like to feel
Like I am doing the best I can
And people are finding health
And hope
Right now,
I could use
A
Win
But for the moment, I will simply grab hold of that truth
That has in fact
Always proved true
All things work together for good
When one is connected to God
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