sitting in the dark

“The waitress brought me another drink. She wanted to light my hurricane lamp again. I wouldn't let her.

"Can you see anything in the dark, with your sunglasses on?" she asked me.

"The big show is inside my head," I said.”

                                          Kurt Vonnegut, Breakfast of Champions

__________________________________________________

Some say we live in a time of darkness

That there are forces in the world

Evil forces

Dark forces

That surround us

And overwhelm us

So we are left frozen in the dark

Unable to see

Unable to find a way forward

And yet, darkness is not all bad.

Barbara Brown Taylor remarks,

“I have learned things in the dark that I could never have learned in the light, things that have saved my life over and over again, so that there is really only one logical conclusion. I need darkness as much as I need light.”

What occurs to me is that in the darkness, the outer world is muted

And we are driven inward

We know how this works

We lie in bed, our suddenly the “big show” in our head starts

And we become aware of thoughts and feelings that

During the busyness of the day

We did not notice

Perhaps on purpose

Perhaps not

In the darkness feelings ooze out of our core

And our mental scripts for good or ill

Play out

Dancing in our frontal lobe

“I am not enough”

“What if…”

“Where am I going?”

“Is my life worth anything?”

So too the darkness of the world

Drives us inward toward our soul

A bit like dogs with their tails between their legs

We seek

Solace

Meaning

Something

I will have to admit

I have thought more about what I value

And more about what Jesus really taught about how to live (and love)

Since the darkness of the times has grown

Each new insult to the earth

Each new act of graft

Or cruelty

Turns my focus to the big show inside my head

Turns me in toward my core

Where dark things lurk

But where too

The Spirit wanders

And that is not

All

bad