learning to walk humbly

A mistake that makes you humble

Is better than achievement that makes you arrogant

                               Unknown

 

The best criticism of the bad is the practice of the better.  Just go ahead, live positively, “in God, through God, with God.”  In time, he fruits will be apparent.  In the short run, you will hold the unresolved tension of the cross.  In the long run, you will usher in something entirely new and healing.

                               Richard Rohr

______________________________________

 

 

We all make mistakes

We all have our flaws

 

Sometimes our mistakes and our flaws

Emerge out of weakness

And sometimes out of strength

And sometimes out of both

 

I have been thinking lately about my strengths and weaknesses

And how I have attempted to navigate this moment in time

with its deep divisions

and its powerful passions

with people choosing sides, embracing different values sets

committing to different ideologies

 

due to a conversation with a treasured friend

I have come to the conclusion

that I have failed

 

as my Roman Catholic wife might put it

mea culpa

mea maxima culpa

 

what I have failed at is grace

 

as I said, I have my strengths and weaknesses

 

One strength is that I want to be, for lack of a better word

Relevant

I want to have wisdom and understanding

I want to be a person with skills that I can put to good use

I want to make a difference, in a positive way

 

Another strength is my passion

I am passionate about God

About justice

About equity

 

I really do care about this world, this nation

And I really do care about people

 

But my strengths can be my weaknesses as well

I can need approval too much

I can need to be right too much

I can be “opinionated” to a fault (ask my sisters)

I can get so wrapped up in my passion, that it takes me to places

That are not kind, or patient, or loving

 

I had a dear, precious friend

Who is far, far, far from where I am at ideologically and politically

Tell me that in my passion to make my point

And in my push to get people to accept my stance as right

And change theirs

 

I had minimized and marginalized her

 

Her indictment, kindly given,

Was that I essentially tell those who are not “with me”, including her

that they are stupid!

 

I could not and cannot dodge that

I reflect on my words, written, carved in stone

And she/he is right

As my frustration overflows regarding

As I see people embracing what I believe to be “untruth”

And ideologies I believe violate the Gospel

 

I give voice to my frustration

and I give voice to my beliefs

in ways that are destructive and not redemptive

 

I have used “you” statements instead of “I” statements

I have not left any room for the “other” to be right, on anything, to any degree

I have talked but not listened

I have judged, rather that sought to understanding

I have failed to take into account the amazing complexity of who we all are

That weird mixture of good and bad, wise and foolish

Generous and selfish

Good and bad

 

And there is great pain in looking at my words through the eyes

Of people who, though they are not where I am at in these divided times,

are complex and valuable people

who touch the lives of those around them in so many positive ways. 

 

It is not wrong that I resist what I resist, or double down

on the need for truth, inclusion, justice, equity and all that I hold dear

in the light of the Gospel

 

it is not wrong that I speak out against what I see as “wong”

 

but

I have, in fact, made, by the way I have sometimes done it

 the space around me, unsafe

and perhaps at some level, have made my church unsafe

 

I have tried to drag people kicking and screaming into my perception

of God

and good

 

and have failed to walk “with” people

all people

through this difficult and painful time

I failed to live with the unresolved tension of love and anger (which is hopefully somewhat righteous),

the tension of challenge and acceptance

 

This in spite of proclaiming that God is love

And that all people are valuable and precious

 

I have become the very things I have sought to resist

And have condemned

 

So I am humbled

I cannot take back anything I have said

And honestly, I have not changed my values, or what I believe the Gospel is all about

 

but I can accept that it matters how we talk with people about these deep and powerful things, and even if we think we are speaking the truth

we have to speak the truth in love

 

and I can accept the fact that there are times I am wrong

both in terms of what I assert

but, more importantly, in how I have made my point

 

I do not know how many relationships I have fractured,

how badly I have stretched, to use the words of Abraham Lincoln

the bonds of affection

 

but in humility I offer my regret

and I ask for forgiveness

and I will seek as best I can, to do better

(and there will be times I fail)

 

to let the God who loves me

help me speak and act with patience, understanding, compassion, patience, and love

toward all around me

even those with whom I do not agree

 

I will always speak what I see as the truth

I will always point to the radical call of Jesus

 

But there are lessons to be learned

about how to talk about these things, how to interact with

those who do not agree with me

about how to stay in that place where one stands up for what one believes

but does so without demeaning and diminishing the other.

 

there are lessons to be learned about the power of anger, and frustration

and the power of pride

 

So I offer my apology

And my plea for forgiveness

And my hope that the God who has entrusted us all

With the ministry of reconciliation

can help us learn to walk together

with all our differences

 

helping each other along

as we limp toward the Kingdom