Stop, breathe, think, then act

Sometimes I delete my own texts because I’m not the person

I was 4 minutes ago

                               Unknown

_______________________________________

 

I have this theory about feelings,

thoughts too

 

you know,

those things that just “show up” in my inner self

as I walk through life

 

what I believe is that my inner world

that world of heart, mind and soul

will always, eventually, find its way into my outer world

 

the cry of my heart will become a vocal lament

my poverty of soul will eventually show up as poor behavior

the chaos in my brain will come spilling out of my mouth

or tumble onto the screen of my computer

 

this means of course, that we must pay attention to our inner self

 

many of us were taught that we have “three” brains

the reactive, the emotional, and the thinking brains

(otherwise known as the amygdala, limbic, and cortex)

 

that is of course oversimplified

the interactions of all the parts of the brain are complex

and only partially understood

 

but still, there is truth there

we think, we feel, and we react

 

and what happens in side will be expressed

it will come out

 

the question is this

HOW will it come out

 

My theory is that if are not aware, if we are not paying attention to our inner self

and do not “name and claim” our inner world

and then consciously choose how that inner world is expressed

 

that inner world will express itself

we will “act out” or “act in”

our thoughts and feeling finding ways to make themselves heard

 

when we act out we often behave poorly

when we act in, we take our anger and fear and guilt out on ourselves

and our bodies suffer

 

when our thoughts and feelings express themselves

we have lost control

 

which is where, in the treatment modality I use

(Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, or ACT)

the observing brain comes in

 

we have the capacity to step away from our brains

from all the stuff going on inside

and look at it from a distance

not much of a distance sometimes, but still

 

as we work to become aware, and then to articulate

(if only to ourselves) what is going on

we can begin to take control back

 

because then we can choose how what is inside

gets expressed outside

 

instead of just falling into patterned thoughts and feeling

and repeating habitual behaviors

(I hurt therefor I drink, I am angry therefor I attack)

we notice those thoughts, those feeling

we step away from them, defuse from them

and we create space

and flexibility

 

and then we choose, how to process, to express

that inner “stuff” that has come up

 

sometimes I read an article

and boom, my fingers fly

and I have written an impassioned post on FaceBook

 

4 minutes later (sometimes)

I step away from my brain, and look at how I have responded

I see the forces driving me

 

I can ask the question, “Did my brain just bully me?”

 

And then?

 

Well, often

Delete, delete, delete

 

Which is why this little formula is my “go to” tool these days

STOP, BREATHE, THINK

and then act

 

because I want to be the one in control

my “divine child self” advised by the Spirit wants to be in control

and I want to choose how I respond, consciously

and I want to choose

love