Monday, September 3, 2012
Look on yourself more as God does....
Reading Hafiz in the morning really is a bad habit
almost as bad as my comics habit
and my coffee habit
and my check in with friends via Facebook or Text habit.
This morning the Hafiz selection in my reader was,
So, it being a holiday, I went forward
(Does that make me a Marxist socialist?)
The reading was about self doubt. Something I happen to be an expert on.
My dad was wonderful. He loved me and did all kinds of things with me.
He made sure I had enough and more than enough
But he also had expectations
and he wanted me to be the best I could be...
and perhaps a bit too much wanted me to be what he wanted me to be....
So I got a lot of comments about what I didn't get done
Where I didn't succeed, and how if I had just "tried harder"
Not a lot of "good job" or "I am proud of you."
Not until he got cancer, but by then I had 30 plus years of beating myself up.
So the Hafiz for today really struck me....
It hit me because it was so the right message for me
It hit me because I say stuff like this to others all the time,
but don't say it to myself.
Perhaps for one minute out of the day it may be of value to torture yourself with thoughts like
"I should be doing a hell ofa lot more with my life than I am ...
'cause I'm so damn talented."
But remember for just one minute of the day.
With all the rest of your time it would be
best to try looking upon yourself more as
For God knows your true royal nature.
God is never confused and can only see
Himself (Herself) in you....
you are the sole heir to the King (Queen).
This day and every day
I run a deficit in my mind
Oh it is not that I don't see what I accomplish
or know that I do good things
or have some talent
It is just that my head says
you could do more
you could do better
my friends know this side of me
I drive them crazy
with my emotional math
which always, somehow
creates a negative integer
it is never enough
how did I come to this place
where I must always plod, plod, plod
proving my worth
more to myself then to a watching world.
Perhaps it is time to see myself as
I know God sees me
and as a child of God
as a Prince
find that recliner
lean back in the sun
sip that drink....
and just say in my minds eye
enough is enough
Damn! I am something!
I am someone!