The Gift of Need

Need brings us together; that makes need sacred.

If a person did not have some kind of thirst, 

would she ever approach you on her own?

Would his eye ever ask your eye for comfrot?

Would his hand ever want to hold yours?

                                                               Hafiz/Landinsky

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Be a man!

Good people are strong!

Never let them see you sweat!

It is not OK to be needy!

The voices in my head are clear

They are the voices of my culture

My father

Perhaps they are voices I have made up

But they are there

It is NOT OK to be needy!

It is ok to be a care giver

It is OK to offer advice

It is OK to be the one who helps and resuces

It is OK to be the person with the answers

and who has it all together

But.....

It is NOT OK to be needy.

And yet 

People need each other

People need God

OK

I will dare to say it

outloud

where everyone can hear...

"I need other people"

"I need you"

I have lived my life as

the pastor,

the boss

the therapist

To the world I have presented a self that is 

strong, competent

together

calm

a self contained universe

and yet inside

I have been fearful and lonely

a lost little boy

It has always been this way

since I was very young

Dr. Kliewer's son

The brainy little nerd

with the crew cut and black glasses

the skinny late bloomer in the  back brace

I wanted other people

I needed them

but early forays into the world of other people

taught me one could get rejected

laughed at

one could be the kid who was not picked for the little league team

The last one chosen at recess

So I became the one who was "together"

smart, strong......

and isolated

Oh it leaked out once in a while

that loneliness, that fear

that dreaded need

It leaked out as I tried too hard to impress

As I tried to hard too prove that yes, a girl or woman might like me
that i might be able to be "one of the guys'
that anyone might like me..

Me....

As I became a success-a-holic

It leaks out still

and some see and understand

some see and misunderstand

It doesn't work

One cannot be an isolated universe 

One cannot make it alone

We need each other

We need God

It is often when we come together in need

In hurt

In fear

That we actually find each other

 That we finally find love

and that makes need sacred