Ah, Regrets!

One regret that I am determined not to have

when I am lying upon my

death bed

is that we did not kiss

enough

                                Hafiz

______________________________________

what if

they held a funeral at the end of my life

and nobody came?

have you ever thought

about what you leave behind

the thoughts

the feelings

the legacy?

they say this kind of thinking comes when

you move closer to that thing we call death

that existential

kind of crap that wanders into one’s head

when waking at 2AM

or when sitting in the dark

on a Monday morning

what have I accomplished, really?

what do people think about me, really?

does anyone really care?

am I admired, or vilified

we all know we are “mixed bags”

all of us

have things that are good, and things that aren’t

all of us have moments we are proud of

and moments that make us cringe

all of us I suspect have people who think we are pretty wonderful

and people who dislike us

intensely

and can only see that moment when we did something

that made god sigh

or see that side of us, we would rather not be seen

I have friends and admirers

I have enemies (you know who you are)

I have people who delight in thinking the worst of me

and insist on thinking ignoring the best in me

so be it

all I can do

all

I

can

do

is from this moment on

try to be one

who goes through life

transparent

so that the sacred in me

which lurks there

somewhere

in the depth of my soul

can shine

a little

and I can care

a little

and be generous

a little

then when at the end of my life

they hold the almost obligatory

funeral

and dinner/dance

someone will show up

and smile

at the thought of what the sacred

has done

in me

with me

through me