In the Dark

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”

― Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude

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Tuesday morning

5AM

and it is dark

restless I lay in the dark

not restful

and now I sit in semi-darkness

looking out into deeper darkness

I see nothing

the darkness is too profound

I strain to see

and hear a nocturnal visitor

uninvited and unwelcome

feral

yowling

in protest

asserting its feline sovereignty over

territory now bereft of its king

I think about my calendar

lying discarded on my desk

littered with names

and meetings

and I sit

frozen

in the shadow

I have no wish to move

I do not care

to move

time for coffee

and trust

left foot, right foot

left foot

breathe