Toxic beliefs, toxic actions

“Your beliefs become your thoughts

Your thoughts become your words

Your words become your actions

Your actions become your destiny.

Mahatma Ghandi,” he said. “There’s more, but I can’t remember it all.” L                       Louise Penny, A Fatal Grace

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If we want to know where we are really at

In our hearts and heads

All we need to do is work back from our actions

I sometimes say to clients

When they share that they are struggling with their emotions

Or when they share that they have done something unproductive,

What did you just say to yourself?

And then, of course the follow up question is this…

Where did that come from!?

I sometimes find myself saying “yes” when I should say “no”

When I am already exhausted

And when I have taken on way too many tasks

And am doing poorly at all of them

(because there are way too many)

I have to say to myself

Why!?

Why did I say yes?

What did I say to myself to so that I said yes

And stepping back I can observe that my bully brain

Had been murmuring in my ear that I am not enough

Not kind enough, smart enough accomplished enough

So of course, I have to “do something” to prove that I am

But where does that come from?

From the belief that one has to earn love

That people love you for what you do, not from who you are

Stupid belief

Leading to a devastating thought

To foolish actions

To exhaustion

To despair

Nice

It makes me wonder what belief system our country functions from

What belief system those in the oligarchy allow to run their lives,

About what goes on in the head of Mr Trump

What does he have to believe or not believe

What does he have to think

In order to behave the way he does

If I peck my way back, as I do with myself

I feel profoundly sad

And know, I would not want to be in that skin

In that head

In that heart

There must be so much pain

Only profound pain could cause one to become so self focused

So non-empathic

So cold, so cruel

But I wish we could figure it out

And know just the right words to say….

To ease that pain

I wish we could find a way to bring a genuine smile to that face

And some warmth to that heart

But I suspect I need to work on myself first

So that I can get past needing to prove myself

And past the efforts to earn love

To that place where, full of love

I can settle

And focus

And listen

And give love to those around me…..

So not be immersed in frantic activity

By their fruits you shall know them Jesus said

But I have noticed

That the best fruit comes from healthy trees

With roots sunk deep

Into the rich soul of the Sacred

And the belief

That one is loved

That one carries love

That one is love

From that belief comes thoughts of love

Words of love

And actions, filled with love