anxiety on steroids

“What we all dread most is a maze with no centre.”

                                G.K. Chesterton

“Dread is anxiety on steroids.”

                                Emily Nagoski, Burnout:

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It was hard to get up this morning

Perhaps it was the darkness outside

Unrelieved

At the hour of 5am

But I think it was

Rather

The darkness inside

That kept me momentarily frozen to the mattress

Perhaps it was dread

The air has been heavy lately

Permeated with all kinds

Of threats and disappointments

Vacations cancelled

Stock markets crashing

Schools closing

Viruses making our very society ill

Relationships stretched thin by political differences

All those anxieties

Morphing into dread

Transforming into anger

And even cruelty

It does indeed feel as if we are in

A maze with no center

On a journey with no end

I suspect it must have been much the same

For the people of Israel

Out there in the Sinai

Out there in that dry and barren land

Where there was no water

I suspect the constant dread wore at them

Until they were raw

Distrusting

Reactive

Railing at their leaders

Eyeing each other with distrust

Splintering, fragmenting

Murmuring

“we want to go back to Egypt”

It gives me a glimmer of hope

That they found their way out of the mess

It gives me caution that they continually made new ones

The secret

To that slow journey out of the wilderness

Was not their own strength or brilliance

The secret was simply this

They learned to look toward the Sacred

They learned to trust that Sacred Presence

That dwelt among them

And led them forward

Pillar of fire

Pillar of cloud

I believe

left to their own devices they would have perished in that desert

They would ended up

Stuck in the desert, at best

Destroyed by their own fear and infighting

At the worst

But they learned to keep their eyes on the Sacred

And found their way home

Perhaps there is a lesson here for us

As we wander in this wasteland

Of greed, and strife

Of alienation and fear

In this time of dread

It is too easy

To slip into despair

And shut down

To go to anger

And look for someone to blame

And attack

It is too easy to be lured

By those who would lead us

To wrong solutions

To our own golden calves

I do believe

The maze has a center

But we only get there

If we keep our eyes on

Love/Sacred/Love

We only get there through

Compassion not calculation

Through generosity, not greed and inequity

Through kindness, not cruelty

Through welcome, not exclusion

It comes down to this

We find our way out of dread

By focusing on all that is Sacred

By being spiritual

And then

As has often been said

Walking each other home