The True Self

“You are not just a drop in the ocean, you are the mighty ocean in the drop.”

― Rumi

Lord I woke up this morning

far too aware of myself

as human

ah

it is worse than that

an aging human

with gray (not graying any more, just gray) hair

wrinkled skin

a sagging body (I look like a marshmallow on toothpicks)

an aging human

with years of struggle

and failure

with untold numbers of bad decisions behind me

an aging human

not yet old

or so my “older” friends tell

but still

a person with much more behind, than lies ahead

with years and years of

life

that now, in my own mind

define me

and which, perhaps, define me in the eyes of others

and what occurred to me

were these questions

What defines me?

Who defines me?

Can I change the definition I carry of my self, and thus my path forward

However long, or short, that path might be?

If I can my definition, if I change what I see in the mirror

And begin to live out a different self

A transformed self

Would others believe in my newness

Would they accept

The transformation

Or would they continue to see me the way they have always seen me?

Would others let me change?

(we know change is hard, and sometimes vulnerable, and so we have trouble trusting it)

My thoughts about myself, then took me into my thoughts about others

To societies thoughts about others

To the thoughts people have

About people with mental illness

Or people who have made mistakes

Do we believe?

Do we believe,  really

In grace?

In transformation?

Do we believe that God can work in people’s lives and make them new?

Do we?

I am trying to believe (especially about myself, somehow it is easier to believe “for” others)

Lord help my unbelief

If we believe Christ, the Sacred, is in each person

Maybe not “realized”  “accepted”  “freed to work”

But present

We have to believe

We each are not a drop in the ocean

The fullness of God is in each of us

The fullness of God

The ocean is in the drop

No wonder it is so hard to believe!!!!

I read the writings of three people this morning

Mark Nepo

Richard Rohr

And Thomas Keating

All of them pointed,

As the key to living fully,

The discovery of our true self!

Our true self is not what others see, how others define us

Our true self is not what we see in the mirror

Our true self is our created to be self

Our true self is what God intended and empowers us to be

And we are called

To remember that the sacred is in us

To accept our acceptance by God

We need to go inside with centering prayer

With focused attention

And we remember who we are

The mighty ocean in a drop

A child of God

So that we can leave behind

Our old images

Our old definitions

Those others have created

Those we have created

So we can leave behind

The old

And embrace

The new

Whew!

So simple

So difficult

So………   hopeful

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If anyone is in Christ, that one is a new creation

The old has passed away

Behold!

The new has come  (2 Corinthians 5:17)