Loving poorly

“Forgiveness is the name of love practiced among people who love poorly. The hard truth is that all people love poorly. We need to forgive and be forgiven every day, every hour increasingly. That is the great work of love among the fellowship of the weak that is the human family.”

                                                                                      ― Henri J.M. Nouwen

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I love poorly

and sometimes

I hit the trifecta

I love God, poorly

my self, poorly

and others, very poorly

it’s not that I don’t want to

I really do love the Sacred,

and want to be a person who lives a sacred life

worthy of my inheritance as a sacred child

but I am not.

I really would love to love myself

but sometimes all I can see are the “warts”

those things I’ve done that I am not proud of,

those things that have happened

that have left scars

we all have scars

I hid mine, but they are there,

and so I cannot love myself well enough

to have the kind of peace and security

the kind of self affection

that allows me to forget myself

and focus on that person in front me

and so I love others poorly…

too many times,

I don’t look, I don’t see

I don’t listen, I don’t care

I am not passionate, or compassionate

I do not act for others

I am too busy protecting and promoting myself

yes, I love poorly

and so I make amends

and I pray for pardon

and I practice self-compassion

and I ask for forgiveness

mea culpa

mea maxima culpa

and it comes, as I live and work

among that fellowship of the weak

that is my community

that is my church

forgiveness,

compassion,

understanding

and yes,

love