living with uncertainty

I was lamenting

somewhere in the depths of my soul

the fact that life seems so uncertain

my life seems so uncertain

love seems so uncertain

the future of mental health programs seems so uncertain

my future seems so uncertain

I have come to believe that

while I probably have a higher tolerance 

for uncertainty and ambiguity than most

there are limits

and there are times when I want to know

what is next

what God wants

what I am supposed to do

what is the next right choice

but I think I am fated to never really be

in a place of certainty

As he explores the scriptures Richard Rohr comes to the conclusion

that we have to be somewhat comfortable with uncertainty

With knowing and not knowing. 

He says we have to accept both the mountaintop, the place of certainty, and the desert, the place of wandering. 

“The mountain is about presence, the desert about absence”

“The mountain is about speaking, the desert about silence”

“The mountain is about knowing, the desert about not knowing.”

The people of God were always moving between the valley (desert) and the mountain

and it seems as if somehow, they needed both

when we are locked into certainty we become 

rigid, stuck, and unbearable 

"I am right, you must believe what I believe.  You must behave the way I proscribe"

when we are locked into uncertainty we become frozen

fearful, and again, stuck

I suspect that it is when we are in that space

moving back and forth between moments of certainty

and uncertainty

that we find the humility, the openness, 

the receptivity 

we need 

to grow, to move

to be God's people

people who love and care, 

who help each other, and have compassion

not people standing 'above" looking down

or people mired up to our necks in the messes of the world

but uncertainly in between

but I am not certain :)

Evil's Lie

There are things that wander in our souls

in the deep dark recesses 

where light seldom shines

there are things that wander

deep with in

and make us miserable

but evil's lie

tells us

this is not so

it must be them

those..... others

out there

they are the problem

not me

so we play the victim

poor me

or we create victims

as we export our own darkness

elsewhere

how else can we use

even scripture

to legitimate

prejudice, violence, hatred, killing?

 

those people

they are the problem

those Democrats, those Republicans

those Muslims

those homosexuals

those drunks

those lazy poor

those greedy rich

 

those retards

those cretins 

 

they are the problem

and I must attack them!

there is no shadow on my side

there is no shadow in me

 

and so we go with evil's lie

and fail to see

and accept

the shadow within

 

and so the darkness remains

lurking

in our depths

 

____________________________________________________

 

God help us let the light shine

in the recesses of our souls

and not export our darkness

Why does it have to be so hard?

A friend was preaching on Job

Perhaps, she suggested

"it takes a tough moment to see God. 
It is not as if God is more or less present, 
but perhaps we are less present in the good times.

Shortly afterward I was reading Richard Rohr
and heard him talk about "necessary suffering"
and about how it was always those on "the bottom'

those who were persecuted
oppressed
put down
how had the best feel for God

It seems that those with power
those with affluence
those who are "in" the inner circle
religiously speaking
are at a disadvantage
spiritually speaking

It is something to think about
no wonder those of us who are so comfortable
have a hard time getting such statements as

happy are the poor
happy are those who mourn
have are the persecuted

no wonder we have trouble
letting go of what we have
to go with God
we have so much

no wonder we suggest 
that it is all a matter of merit
and accomplishment
power and abundance

 

The paradox is that we often grow the most

in times of struggle and adversity

in times of loss

 

but why

does it have to be so hard  ?
  
 
 

          

The Empty Soul

"How many times has your soul felt empty

and then maybe, a temple for all near you became? 

                                                           Hafiz

______________________________________________________________________

How many times has my soul felt empty?

Perhaps a better question might by

how many times has it not?

Of course I am a dramatic kind of guy

who rarely shows passion

but often feels passionate

about life

about God

about love

but all too often

my soul feels empty

and I?

well I simply feel tired

 tired and alone

barely able to crawl out of bed

and face another day

and it is all so 

unnecessary

I am slowly coming to understand that we create our own suffering

we become attached to our cravings

our desires

we all have our unique desires

for love

or success

or influence

or power

it doesn't matter what we desire

we become attached to those desires

and then

we don't get there

and the gap between what we desire, and what we have?

therein lies the pain

and thus is born

the empty soul

St Augustine once said, “Our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee (meaning God)

Rumi has a phrase that goes “The only real rest comes when you are alone with God”

The only cure for the empty soul is God

fullness can come

it comes when we hold on to God as tightly

 as God holds on to us.

________________________________________________________________

“All you want is to be happy.  All your desires, whatever they may be are a longing for happiness…Desire by itself is not wrong.  It is life itself, the urge to grow in knowledge and experience.  It is the choices you make that are wrong.  To imagine that some little thing, food, sex, power, fame, will make you happy is to deceive oneself.  Only something as vast and deep as your real self can make your truly and lastingly happy”

Source unknown

When love is there!

"When love is there, is not the treasure?

When it is not, who could blame a face that looks sad?"  Hafiz

________________________________________________________________________

It is interesting

is it not

that we can have so much

be so blessed

and yet be so unhappy?

"We are not an unhappy people!" you say?

look around!!!

at the anger

the fear

the grasping

people calling each other 

stupid

moron

retard

at people trying to decide

which candidate

which philosophy of governance

which tax laws (we really do see them as soooo important)

will benefit them

enrich them

yes

make them happy

we seek the hidden treasure

through our greed and anger

through power

through our cars

our house

our influence

our jobs

our titles

 

we seek the treasure

and lash out

in frustration 

when we cannot find it

 

yet there it is,

right there! 

the treasure

in the hug of a friend

in the precious affection of our beloved

in the tiny tug

and toothless grin of a grandchild

in the majestic beauty of a winter day

in the wonder of God's love

when love is there

is not the treasure?

______________________________________________________________

Ps 63:3-5
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.  My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you. 

What not Why

It is a curious thing

Lots of people seem to think they have the right to speak for God

Take for example comments by a candidate for the US Senate

In thinking about an instance of rape

and the subsequent impregnation of the woman

He went instantly to the why

 pregnancies from rape are “something that God intended to happen."

Really?
God told him?

We tend to  do this a lot
poor God

we decide why things happen
the problem is when we go to the place where God
micromanages everything
everything
its all God
good, bad
whatever happens is God's will

This is an odd forumla
One I think that is not exactly supported by scripture
which seems to suggest people have something to say
when it comes to evil

I think it is one of the great theological mistakes
this idea that God makes everything happen...
not only the good
but also the bad and the ugly.

It takes us such weird places
A child dies... we must make sense of it
Why?  Why? we cry...
and so people say "God wanted this beautiful child in heaven with Him"
Really?
Not my God. He would not do that to a loving parent.

A woman is raped and gets pregnant.
God must have wanted another life?

It doesn't work
the formula is flawed, and no amount of creative thinking
can always come up with a reason WHY God did something...

As with Adam and Eve,
we darn well have our own minds
and we make our choices
and its not always good
and we can't always make sense of it, except to say
that's life
that is what happens when people
who are all to flawed, have choices

Why is the wrong question
It takes us to horrible places

Paul did remind us... all things work together for good, for those who love God"
So I think the question is this... WHAT?
What can God and I do with the mess I have made
with the mess those around me have made

What can God in the power of the Spirit
do through me
with me, to create good out of what is clearly
not good.

God will that a life would be created during a rape
No!
God is there in the midst and the pain
Yes!
God will work to try and make good emerge
Yes!
Will we always make the right choice, even then?
No!
God will work with even our bad choices?
Yes!

What can God do?
How can I help?
How can love, and grace, and forgiveness thrive

Those it seems, are the right questions!

How can God's law create such violent hateful people?

I have been frustrated lately

yes, it has to do with the elections

about all the people who claim to be the champions of morality

and yet... in the end

are nothing more than the purveyors of anger, and hate

and even violence

we see it clearly in the middle east, where religious systems 

battle it out

but it is just as real in America

where those who would uphold the law

actually end up

(or so it seems to me)

 

on the wrong side of the Gospel

 

It is an old story, this battle between law and grace

it is not that we don't need law

we certainly do...

but what is law about?

 

Paul struggles mightily with this

and at one point 

remembering the way he had persescuted and murdered Chrisitans

actually asks the question (Philippians 6) 

 

"How following the law so faithfully still create hateful and violent men like me?

God question

As we see so called people of faith saying cruel and hurtful things

Supporting legislation that harms

Being, bottom line, a negative force

Because the law is not an end
but a means
we turn God's law into a matter of
fallowing a check list of rules

rather than a tool for promoting God awareness
a tool for seeing the intimately personal struggles we face
between love and hate
generosity and greed

struggles that can only be resolved
at whatever level they can...
by the presence of God/Christ/Spirit in us.

law is where we begin
where we see our need of God
where we understand the big conflicts of the soul

law takes us to God
to grace
to empowerment

not to attacking and dehumanizing others
not to flying planes into buildings
not to obscene signs at funerals
not to name calling

if we find ourselves in the places of hate
and rigidity and intolerance
that place or moral superiority
we have made law an end in itself
and we have become lost
and taken those around us with us!

___________________________________________

You must learn the meaning of the law very well, so you will know how to disobey it properly (Dali Lama)

I would not, Jesus was one person who clearly knew the law well enough to "disobey" it (probably the wrong word, properly

I Just Could be Wrong!

My mom used to say it all the time

 it was one of those sayings

that to her was second nature....

right after her standard commandment

as I would leave the house

"remember who you are"

something I often tried hard to forget

it is kind of a burden to be the doctor's son in a small town

with a mom who had her expectations

about how I would act

and dress

and even whom I might date :)

I heard it so often

I began to wonder

whether she needed glasses or something

"I can't believe my eyes"

Really?

Why not!?

Seems like what we see

is simply what is there.... 

or is it?

I have come to learn, 

in my old age, that it really isn't that simple

for we do in fact wear glasses

all of us

all the time

24/7

big thick glass

that change things

that twist and distort

until what we see....

well we need to take care

about what we think is true, clear

Those lenses

our gender

our age

our life experiences

our values and beliefs

our education

our social class

our families of origin

our place of origin...

all those things are the lenses through which we see life

until what we see

is a reality we create

and what we don't see

ah, there becomes so much we don't see.

we can't in fact believe what we see

oh did I mention politics?

 sometimes I wonder if my friends and are are listening to

the same candidates :)

I have to constantly remember

as I judge the "sight" of my friends with whom

I don't agree

that my "sight" is just as compromised

So I am trying hard to say what I believe

but not cut down

or overly entrench

or treat other's perceptions with disrepsect

for
I
just
could

be wrong