living with uncertainty

I was lamenting

somewhere in the depths of my soul

the fact that life seems so uncertain

my life seems so uncertain

love seems so uncertain

the future of mental health programs seems so uncertain

my future seems so uncertain

I have come to believe that

while I probably have a higher tolerance 

for uncertainty and ambiguity than most

there are limits

and there are times when I want to know

what is next

what God wants

what I am supposed to do

what is the next right choice

but I think I am fated to never really be

in a place of certainty

As he explores the scriptures Richard Rohr comes to the conclusion

that we have to be somewhat comfortable with uncertainty

With knowing and not knowing. 

He says we have to accept both the mountaintop, the place of certainty, and the desert, the place of wandering. 

“The mountain is about presence, the desert about absence”

“The mountain is about speaking, the desert about silence”

“The mountain is about knowing, the desert about not knowing.”

The people of God were always moving between the valley (desert) and the mountain

and it seems as if somehow, they needed both

when we are locked into certainty we become 

rigid, stuck, and unbearable 

"I am right, you must believe what I believe.  You must behave the way I proscribe"

when we are locked into uncertainty we become frozen

fearful, and again, stuck

I suspect that it is when we are in that space

moving back and forth between moments of certainty

and uncertainty

that we find the humility, the openness, 

the receptivity 

we need 

to grow, to move

to be God's people

people who love and care, 

who help each other, and have compassion

not people standing 'above" looking down

or people mired up to our necks in the messes of the world

but uncertainly in between

but I am not certain :)