From the Inside Out

it is funny

or not so funny

the things that shape us

and make us who we are

yesterday I spent more time that is desirable in several airports

and I watch all the various souls

surrounded me

of note were the manly men

I don’t know how to explain it exactly

But tI am talking about the guys who, for the most are

are big

thick of muscle

but more than that

are men with a presence

surrounded by men just like them they are confident

assertive

powerful

and that is where I come in

or don’t

I have never been the big, muscled

Testosterone laden guy

a late bloomer I didn’t have to shave until graduate school

muscles never really arrived

my face has soft edges and at my best I looked like Robbie Douglas

of “My Three Sons”,  or one of the Walton boys

and from the inside out

I feel unsure, self-conscious

Tentative

I have no idea how I look from the outside in

But from the inside out?  I will never be one of them

I am not totally comfortable in my own skin

I wonder how many of us there are

Who do not meet the expectations we have set in our heads

As to who we are, what we are, how we are…..

So I will say to myself, what I tell so many of my clients to say to themselves

Stop it Stephen!  Just Stop it

You are a bearer of the sacred

Believe it