I am a wanderer. I would say that I am a seeker, but sometimes I have no idea what I might be seeking, so I will stick with wanderer. This blog is more a public journal than anything. I don't claim to have life figured out. I simply stumble from mystery to mystery, and share my reflections along the way. Sometimes I feel burdened, and trudge. Sometimes? Well sometimes grace breaks through, and its time to dance.
Friday, October 3, 2014
What are you carrying around ??
Philippians 3
p
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have
already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ
Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to
have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining
toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God
has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Pebbles in the heart
There is a story about a long thin baker named
Fouke—a righteous man, with a long thin chin and a long thin nose. Fouke was so
upright that he seemed to spray righteousness from his thin lips over everyone
who came near him; so the people of Faken preferred to stay away. Fouke’s wife, Hilda, was short and round; her
arms were round, her bosom was round, her rump was round. Hilda did not keep
people at bay with righteousness; her soft roundness seemed to invite them to
come close to her in order to share the warm cheer of her open heart.
Hilda respected her righteous husband, and loved
him too, as much as he allowed her; but her heart ached for something more from
him than his worthy righteousness. And
there, in the bed of her need, lay the seed of sadness.
One morning, having worked since dawn to knead his
dough for the ovens, Fouke came home and found a stranger in his bedroom lying
on Hilda’s round bosom. Hilda’s adventure soon became the talk of the tavern
and the scandal of the congregation. Everyone assumed that Fouke would cast
Hilda out of his house, so righteous was he. But he surprised everyone by
keeping Hilda as his wife, saying that he forgave her as the Good Book said he
should.
In his heart of hearts, however, Fouke could not
forgive Hilda for bringing shame to his name. Whenever he thought about her,
his feelings toward her were angry and hard; he despised her as if she were a
common whore. When it came right down to it, he hated her for betraying him
after he had been so good and so faithful a husband to her. He only pretended to forgive Hilda so that he
could punish her with his righteous mercy.
But Fouke’s fakery did not sit well in Heaven.
So each time that Fouke would feel his secret hate
toward Hilda, an angel came to him and dropped a tiny pebble, hardly the size
of a shirt button, into Fouke’s heart. Each time a pebble dropped, Fouke would
feel a stab of pain like the pain he felt the moment he came on Hilda feeding
her hungry heart from a stranger’s larder.
Thus he hated her the more; his hate brought him pain and his pain made
him hate.
The pebbles multiplied. And Fouke’s heart grew
very heavy with the weight of them, so heavy that the top half of his body bent
forward so far that he had to strain his neck upward in order to see straight
ahead. Weary with hurt, Fouke began to wish he were dead. The angel who dropped the pebbles into his
heart came to Fouke one night and told him how he could be healed of his hurt.
There was one remedy, he said, only one, for the
hurt of a wounded heart. Fouke would need the miracle of the magic eyes. He
would need eyes that could look back to the beginning of his hurt and see his
Hilda, not as a wife who betrayed him, but as a loving woman who needed him.
Only a new way of looking at things through the magic eyes could heal the hurt
flowing from the wounds of yesterday.
“And how can I get your magic eyes?” pouted
Fouke. “Only ask, desiring as you ask,
and they will be given you. And each time you see Hilda through your new eyes,
one pebble will be lifted from your aching heart.” Fouke could not ask at once, for he had grown
to love his hatred. But the pain of his heart finally drove him to want and to
ask for the magic eyes that the angel had promised. So he asked. And the angel gave.
Soon Hilda began to change in front of Fouke’s
eyes, wonderfully and mysteriously. He began to see her as a woman who loved
him instead of a wicked woman who had betrayed him.
The angel kept his promise; he lifted the pebbles
from Fouke’s heart, one by one, though it took a long time to take them all
away. Fouke gradually felt his heart grow lighter; he began to walk straight
again, and somehow his nose and his chin seemed less thin and sharp than
before. He invited Hilda to come into his heart again, and she came, and together
they began again a journey into their second season of humble joy.
_____________________________________________________
it is a lesson I learn every day
it is a wisdom which permeates
spiritual writings
be careful what you hang on to
choose carefully what you carry with you through
life
what is it we carry in our souls?
are we dragging around failure, or hurt
fear and hate
is our mind full of worry and concern
of “what if’s” and “if only’s”?
so many wake up tired
and walk through the tired
so many have smiles that are slow to come
because the inner joy is smothered by
so much misery and pain
for me it is clear
for me it is obvious
when I can wake up
and look at the beauty outside my window
when I can see the mountain
and marvel at the way the sun kisses
the trees and fields with gold
and see the fawns playing
and hear the birds singing
and not end up
with my feet a foot above the ground (spiritually
speaking)
I am carrying too much
It is time to root through my heart
(or my spiritual backpack – my other favored
image)
and figure out
what I need to just take out, put by the side of
the road,
and leave behind
No
No no NOOOOO!
I do not get to dump those useless things to
others
for them to carry
they have their own spiritual flotsam
(we can hand them to the Sacred
who knows full well what to do with them)
it is time to just lay down the fear
the worry
the old hurts
the old failures
and walk through the day
this day, each day
free
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