Yom Kippur, thoughts about atonement

Yom Kippur 2014 is observed on October 3-4. Known as the Jewish Day of Atonement, Yom Kippur falls on 10 Tishrei 5775 on the Hebrew calendar, which is from sundown on October 3 to nightfall on October 4.  The Day of Atonement is considered the most important day of the Jewish year, as evidenced by the synagogue attendance rate: More people go to temple on Yom Kippur than any other holiday.

Yom Kippur marks the end of the Days of Awe, a 10-day period of teshuvah (Jewish reflection, repentance and return) that begins with Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year.

During the Days of Awe, Jews seeks forgiveness from friends, family and co-workers, a process that begins with Tashlich, the symbolic casting off of sins that is traditionally observed on the afternoon of Rosh Hashanah by throwing bread into a body of water. On Yom Kippur, Jews attempt to mend their relationships with God. This is done, in part, by reciting the Vidui, a public confession of sins.

                                                                                                                                Huff Post Religion Page

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I’ve often thought about atonement

the word has been hanging around my spiritual living room

since I was a child

I remember serious adults saying

“you must atone for your sins”

or “Jesus was murdered on the cross in atonement for your sins”

later in seminary

in a fit of piety a professor once said

“atonement is critical

and it begins with an awareness of our need for it”

but what has always echoed in my head has been the phrase

YOUR sin

YOUR failure

YOU

Which has in my head, and soul, and spirit

almost always ended manifesting in the phrase

YOU

ARE NOT ENOUGH

I have never had a problem with awareness of my need for

forgiveness and healing

I have never needed help seeing my own deficits

I remember once, a person who was haunted by night terrors

the victim of abuse he would wake in terror, having seen

in the depth of his soul sleep, a dark and looming silhouette outlined

in the doorway of his room

his abuser

I have never been abused

and yet there is a shadowy

figure who visits me and haunts me

I, myself, am the one who haunts my self

on this day of atonement I know

that I have done things is should not have done

I have not done things I should have done

I have, sometimes knowingly

and some times unknowingly

hurt other people

I have not been my best self

I have made the sacred grimace

and I have my mea culpas to offer

and I have my maxima mea culapas to share

but I also realize that in the spirit of atonement

I must learn to accept myself

forgive myself

and I must come to believe that the Sacred One to whom I turn

is easier on me than I am on myself

and is more than ready to offer me not just forgiveness

but acceptance

and love