It's Raining! Yup!

Today I am thinking about acceptance

Sometimes it is hard to explain acceptance

For me acceptance means, simply,

holding space for the things that come along

But not holding on to the things that come along

It means noticing thoughts and feelings

And even, perhaps, certain realities

But not fusing with those things

Not being trapped by them

Driven by them

Controlled by them

Defined by them

The alternative to acceptance is pain

Not just pain, but what some call “sticky pain”

We have the thought

We have the feeling

We experience the event

And instead of noticing that thought, or feeling

We grab hold of it

We gnaw on it, masticate it

Swallow it

Digest and absorb it

We participate in kind of a dark “reverse” communion

That instead of filling, empties

And this causes pain

Because now we have the thought and the feeling

Plus

All the stuff that has come up

Plus

All the patterned avoidance behaviors that make things worse

Pain has created pain has created pain

Covid-19 comes along, with all of its ramifications

And as we think about this virus

Stuff comes up

Fear perhaps

Or anger

And so many thoughts

I wonder if I am going to die?

I can’t survive without my job!

I am going to lose everything!

People are going to forget me, and I’ll be all alone!

and so the bad times roll and

we go from feeling to feeling

from thought to thought

nobody misses me

nobody care about me

I am expendable

I am worthless

I am not enough

Stick pain

The original pain of the virus, and our current situation

Plus

All the things we have now added to that pain

Acceptance takes us down a different path

We notice all that stuff that comes up

But we don’t fuse with it

We label it, yes

“I am feeling afraid”

“I am feeling worthless”

And we accept it for what it is

A normal human feeling that comes up in times like these

“Hey, I am having a human experience”

And then we let go

Not an easy task

I remember reading a quote for Ann Landers who said

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”

We let go, not in the sense of trying to drive the feeling away

Because that just leads us to patterned avoidance behaviors

That often don’t work

Behaviors like isolation

Or drinking

Or even behaviors like joining a foolish

And semi-violent protest over “sheltering”

But we let go in the sense of noticing the feeling

The thought

Accepting that it is there

Offering ourselves some self-compassion for the presence

Of the pain

Then putting it aside and moving on

If we have allowed the stick pain to drive our lives

We notice that it has taken over the driver’s seat,

And he kick it out!

We may not be able to kick it off the bus (so to speak)

But we can send it to the rear!

And then we do what we care about

We go toward who and what is important to us.

Oh, it’s another Covid19 day

I notice, I am feeling anxious, and sad

I notice that I am worried about my finances

About my health

I notice that what I want to do is obsess

And check the “numbers” every five minutes

I notice that I want to take out my anger on those around me

I notice that I want to “use”

I notice that I want to isolate

I notice my thoughts

I accept my feelings

And then I do what I care about

I move toward what I value

I value people

So I will make some phone calls to friends

I value creativity, so I will practice the piano, or guitar

Or bagpipes! (be careful with that one)

I value peace, so I will spend some time doing deep breathing

And I will go to an open place (where I am allowed to be)

And I will do a walking meditation

Noticing the “gifts” and “treasures” along the way

The baby calf

The hawk hovering on the wind

The sunrise, burning golden red

The fact is we cannot avoid the pain of illness

Or pandemics

Or lost jobs

Or threatened businesses

But we can keep that pain from being sticky

We can move to acceptance

“IT’S RAINING!!!!!!”  “Yup”