seeking hope, in a different place

“Accomplish but do not boast, accomplish without show, accomplish without arrogance, accomplish without grabbing, accomplish without forcing.”

                                         Lao Tzu

By loving them for more than their abilities we show our children that they are much more than the sum of their accomplishments.”

                                         Eileen Kennedy-Moore,

Because we are so quickly led to despair, most of us cannot endure suffering for long without some sliver of hope or meaning. However, it is worth asking ourselves about where our hope lies.

                                         Richard Rohr

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I was raised to be a good, functional, human doing

No one did that on purpose

It was just the way it was back in those days, those golden 50’s

And rebellious 60’s

We were expected to accomplish

Expected to excel

Expected to do our best

And thus, taught inadvertently

that we are the sum of our accomplishments

It might not have been that way in every family

But it was certainly true in mine

Not just my immediate family

But in that larger network of “family” of Kliewers

Steeped in the American work ethic and good Mennonite values

I was surrounded by aunts and uncle (and a few older cousins too)

All of whom were ministers, and doctors, nurses, missionaries and teachers

Serve your community, serve other people

Was a family commandment

And so my life has been filled with doing

My days filled with meetings led

Classes taught

Counseling sessions conducted

Events planned (and excecuted)

And has been mostly good

There has been a sense of accomplishment

One could count the numbers

The hours worked

The number of events on the calendar

The number of people in the pew

One could see the faces

Grab hold of the reactions

And now we have “this”

Everything has slowed

In some ways everything is more work

Setting up classes and counseling sessions takes more time

In this world of Zoom and Google Hangouts

But in some ways everything is “unreal”

Dare I use the term “mystical”?

The world slowed to the speed of my rural Oregon bandwidth

The world narrowed down to the small monitor on my XPS13

30mps

13 inches

And accomplishments are harder to count

For those of us used to counting

So here I sit, looking out the window at early spring snow

And at the rays of brilliance as an early sun shine through the trees

Learning

Learning to do things a different way

Learning to measure things a different way

Learning to slow down, and go deeper

Learning to focus in an unfocused world

It’s all a bit vague

And yes, mystical

There is something so common and gross about these times

And yet, something so spiritual as well

As if we are working on a different plane

Coming from a different place within ourselves

Seeking hope in a different place

in the midst of suffering