be not afraid

Lying in the darkness

in that empty space

where no distractions enter

I hear my heart beat

and the rush of blood pounding in my ears

I feel the air move in and out of my body

and wonder at this gift of breath

I breathe in

I breathe out

I feel every little pain in my body

the throbbing in the should

the twinge in the knee when I move just wrong

I hear the dog, restless

And the thump of the cat

playing on the porch

ready for breakfast

in the dark awareness comes

things that would go unnoticed in the light

when I am so distracted, come

and visit me

thoughts come

about the Covid-19

(am I sure my breathing is the same?)

about the day ahead

about that last post (was I kind enough)

about friends, and family

the economy

as I lay in the dark my head is lit

with the light of 100 TVs

all on different channels

it is chaotic at times

and disconcerting

and yet

in the dark I reflect

I face myself

I become aware

I feel

I evaluate

I learn

And there are so many lessons to be learned

In the darkness insight comes

And so to new ideas

New ways forward

New life, Barbara Brown Taylor suggests

begins in the dark

there are many kinds of darkness

right now there is a darkness we call Covid-19

and in that darkness we are learning

about our leaders

about our country

about ourselves

some of it is not very pretty

a willingness to sacrifice the vulnerable on the altar of wealth

a fearfulness that empties shelves of toilet paper

but there is beauty too

a priest giving up a ventilator for a young person, and dying

musicians playing (6 feet apart) in a street

people being kind, and generous

and in all the terror and hope

beauty and ugliness

another lesson is learned

God is here

In the dark of night

In the reality of Covid-19

God is here

and it is as we open to that presence

it is as we cling to Love

as branches cling to a vine

we become open and alive

it is then we find ourselves

becoming better not worse

becoming grateful givers, not fearful hoarders

becoming calm rather than panicked

becoming compassionate not hateful

becoming kind not cruel

becoming people of love

I keep thinking, as we enter into the final days of Lent

As we move toward the bipolar ups and downs

Of the journey to Jerusalem,

The attacks of the Pharisees

The raising of Lazarus

The triumphal entry

The righteous anger at the temple

The last supper

And then…..

I think about the confusion and chaos

And the final darkness…

And I remember those words of Jesus in the upper room

(John 13-17)

Be not afraid

The comforter will come

The guide will come

The helper will come

The Spirit will come

We are in an upper room moment

Gathered somewhat fearfully

In our various rooms

Some of us alone

Looking out the door into the darkness

of a future that may be full of dark things

difficult things

But still the words come

I am here

I will always be here

All you have to do is cling

Be not afraid