If you soul is awakened, then you realize this is the house
of your real belonging. Your longing is
safe there. Belonging is related to
longing. I you hyphenate belonging, it
yields a lovely axiom for spiritual growth; Be-Your-Longing. Longing is a precious instinct in the soul.
John
O’Donohue, Anam Cara, p. 120
_______________________________
I sit in my office
nice little introverted self
there is safety here
tucked away among my books
diplomas on the wall
trumpeting at least a certain kind of success
there is safety here
and yet belonging is outside
in the hall
where people laugh
and joke
and share pictures
and I realize
that for so many years
I have tried in my awkward ways
to connect
to belong
but have failed
on so many levels
sometimes I have hung back silent
at other times I have tried too hard
proclaiming, “here I am, like me, respect me”
like the odd, nerdy kid on the playground
that nobody quite likes
I sit in a meeting
with people I have sat with so many times before
hundreds of times
I listen to them plan outings
and talk of shared experiences
things I will not share
I make tentative gestures
to join the conversation
to be a part
and they are polite
but there is a degree of separation
that feels insurmountable
I sit alone, watching the mountain,
knowing that after 12 plus years of work
I have been judged, “not enough”
and simply put aside
gently and generously
we all want to belong
but sometimes the reality is
there is no companionship
without
or within
one is in exile
one is not alone
but one does not belong
and while there is still longing
and there is no energy
to try
again
---------------------------------------------------------
Postscript: a
blessing
May you learn to see
yourself with the same delight, pride
and expectation with
which God sees you in every moment.
John
O’Donohue
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