Primitive religion is not believed, it is danced!

Arthur Darby Nock

Earth's crammed with heaven,
And every common bush afire with God;
And only he who sees takes off his shoes;
The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries.

Elizabeth Browning

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Looking in the Mirror

Sometimes I look in the mirror
and look at a stranger staring back at me

Who is this person
this man
I see reflected back at me?
In the perceptions
The words
the responses of others
to what I think
and say
and do
to what I write
I see things about myself
I did not know or understand
Sometimes I see fear
Sometimes I see arrogance
or perhaps not true arrogance
but arrogance as a response to fear
of irrelevance
or inadequacy
I see lonliness
or a hunger 
for connection
perhaps love
i see need
Sometimes that look in the mirror
is like an assault
hammering my heart
leaving me queasy 
even sad
and I wonder
is this really me
this person I see and don't really like very well
this flawed and twisted image?
I am in a place right now
where I feel like I must apologise
for all of the things I have said 
and done
all the ways I have been
that when reflected back to me
take me to shame
I can say to myself
(all i want)
that I didn't know
that I didn't understand
but it doesn't change
the me
that i present to the world
the me that others see
I am old enough that I wonder sometimes
if there is really any hope....
and then I remember
whose eyes
reciving me, delighting in me
enjoying me and looking at me
remind me
of me
of who  I am
or at least who I can be
as one accepted and love
Thank you

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